Closer to God, one tear at a time

I want you.  I need you.  I miss you so dearly.  

 I know that you are living your life the way you want to live it.   I have no part in it.  So why is it that I keep holding on to this feeling? 

I imagine when I will see you again.  You will act as though nothing has happened.  I will want so terribly to wrap my arms around you; to be embraced; held by you.  It is such a comfort being near you.  I feel respected, like myself.  I feel friendship and relationship.

If only I had the bravery to tell you how I truly felt.  But I fear that I would lose you because of it.  Dear friend, I would never risk losing you.  As so I remain silent.  Speechless.  

Whenever we dance, I pray for a slow song, so that I might be close to you for that much longer.  I  breathe in your scent; so different and unique from everyone else’s.  It is a comfort to me to be near you.  Even when you touch me playfully, I cherish it.  

 I have never been one to needlessly touch people; please understand that every time I touch you it is because I need to. 

It takes everything in me to not pick up my phone and text you, to let you know I miss you.  But you would probably get angry, tell me to leave you alone….perhaps tell me to get a life.  That’s what I would tell myself; to get a life.  I have none.  I want none without you. 

What will happen when you come to me with a woman beside you?  I pray for your sake that I will be the most gracious friend.

I wish so desperately to be considered your good friend.  To be automatically thought of when you think of the word ‘friend’.  I tell you the truth, I consider you the most precious among my friendships.  I treasure yours the most. 

 I love you.  I always will.  I pray that you will be godly, blessed and happy in whatever path you chose.  I pray for you and your future wife.  I will back you up in whatever choice you may, and will endeavour to be the best of people to you.

Understand that I hold you in the highest respect because you did the same for me.  You are the first man I have ever to known to be my friend simply because that was what you did.  You didn’t want something from me; you didn’t want me to do something for you.  You just wanted to be a friend.  

 That is something that I find unique among your gender, and I hope to become better acquainted with a person possessing such qualities.

 I still miss you, and am counting down the days until I am honoured enough to see you again.  Please know that I await that day with impatience.