Closer to God, one tear at a time

Hello all,

I had a nutty night last night and thought it was something to share with you all. 

Last night/morning, I didn’t even attempt to get to bed until around 3am. I was busy talking to my good friends and wanted to finish my conversations and was enjoying myself. 

When I did get off, sleep didn’t come. There was something in my gut that told me something was off. I couldn’t figure it out. 

So I got out of bed and got down on my knees and just prayed for a while (I haven’t ‘knee-mailed’ God for quite some time I’m sorry to say). 

After that I went downstairs to the kitchen, got a glass of water and headed back upstairs. 

Sleep STILL didn’t come. I could still sense that feeling; there was something that was not right me. *grr* So I figured, “Fine, whatever, I won’t sleep then.” I sat up in my bed and propped myself against the window (I have three windows on the east side of my bedroom and my bed is situated against them) and just star-gazed for a while. I figured I would just pray for a while longer and watch the sun come up. 

Well, I suddenly realized how amazing the sky looked and got into my head that I needed to see a shooting star. (I’m so demanding) So I ask God, “can I see a shooting star?” I am being totally honest when I say that I fully expected something to happen, without a doubt in my mind. 

So here I am waiting, looking at the stars, when all of a sudden it hits me: there is not a reason in the world that I need anything more that what I was looking at right then; God’s glory in the sky as it was right now. But right as I am telling myself that, it was like God was interrupting me in mid-sentence, because a shooting star flit across the sky.

Now, under normal circumstances, and in other “God-moment” stories, when these things happen they are very uplifting and amazing. 

This time it wasn’t. 

Have you ever had that feeling of panic and fright when your back is exposed to dark hall or right before someone jumps out from behind you to scare you? That is what I felt for a split second multiplied by 1000. The only way to describe what I felt was SHEER TERROR. I felt like I had been hit with lightning.

I kid you not, friends, I couldn’t move! I said “oh my gosh” and then my body ceased to be mine. I fell to my bed and I started sobbing. I couldn’t stop myself. I was crying so hard and laughing at the same time that I couldn’t breathe. I’m glad my mom didn’t hear me (I’m surprised that she didn’t) because I’m sure I looked like a madwomen. 

I sat there in a fetal-like position, just crying. I honestly believe that I saw the face of my Creator in that second. I know that I’ve used the word “creator” in the past, but honestly until last night I never knew what that truly meant of God: He is the Manipulator of the Skies. Nothing less than the Dictator of the Stars. The King of our Constellations, The Prince of the Zodiac.

I’ve been in awe of God before; I’ve been in worship of God; I’m in love with God, but never before have I been terrified of Him. 

I wish I could describe to you the wave of emotion that I experienced. It was so mind boggling. Now I see why God hid Moses in the rocks when He passed by; it scared the bujeebers outta me!!

I’ve come to realize something: whenever the Bible says “every knee should/will bow down” I always assumed that it meant it was something that we would take action in. I think I’m wrong. I think that we will all be forced to our knees by the sheer power of God’s glory. There is no option about it, we will all be put in our rightful humble place on our knees in worship of Him Who was, Who is and Who is to come. 

Amen and amen.