Closer to God, one tear at a time

Hello 

I would like to express my sincere and heart-felt sentiments to all who are dealing with the Windsor tornado.  I hope that you all know that so many people are praying for you constantly right now.  I love all of you so dearly and I will keep you in my thoughts unceasingly.   

Love,  Eli

Hello all,

I’m just writing to say hi.  

I’v been having a very good week.  I got done with the show, which was a big hit, and have made a lot of new friends.

I’ve finally come to a conclusion:  a lot of people have been telling me that I need to go to college or New York or L.A., or perhaps even Nashville.  But, I’ve decided that I don’t want to.   I know that I have talent, but I would much rather use that talent for fun with my friends and for community theatre than performing somewhere away from my family and friends.  I like my job, I want to pursue it.  

I love my friends.  I love being around them.  I love being around these wonderful people.

Have you ever heard the song “my wish”?  There’s a part in the song that goes:When you’re faced with a choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

Well, being here right now is what means the most to me.  I’m in love with this area, with my life.  And I’m going to stay here. 

Dear Father, Please show me Your will in my life.  I think I’ve found where I need to stay, but above all, it is Your will that matters.  Wherever You want me to go, whatever You want me to do, I will do it.  I have no right to do otherwise.

amen.

signing out

Hello all,  

So today was the last day for the performance, and I am so sad!  I’m going to miss my buddies so much! So, at the end of the show, we all went out to eat, and as I was saying goodbye, one of my friends came up to me and asked me if I was going to go to college or not. I said no.  I didn’t want to go. He told me that I should go and apply to a musical college and that I couldn’t make a living doing what I do now. 

(This is a very abbreviated story by the way, just to give you my biased point of view.) I’m scared, to tell you the truth.  Everyone that I’ve been talking to lately about just sticking around the choiral society and having a full time job, says that I need to aim higher. What if I’m happy?!  I was happy with the idea of being a full-time library clerk and then just doing community theatre on the side.  I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with that!  And now all of a sudden, I’m getting all these people saying, no that’s not good enough, you need to do this! I refuse to hold two jobs.  I know some people can do it, but I can’t.  I don’t want to.  I either want to entertain as a profession, or as a hobby.  I don’t want to be the struggling musician.  

I want to either make a living out of it, or have a job that supports me fully and then do it just for fun.  I know that probably sounds odd, but it’s my mind set right now, and I’m happy with it. I want simplicity; I want security.  I want to serve God, and I can do that no matter what.  I don’t have to be rich and famous. I’ve decided that I’m going to send a clip of the show to a producer friend in L.A., a person I’m very semi-acquainted with in Nashville, and I’m going to send it to a company called Cirque Productions.  (Like Cirque du Soleil, but a little more tradition, circus-wise. )

I’m also going to talk to my boss and see if there is any real future in what I’m doing.  I’m going to ask her what I need to do in order to make a living as a library clerk. 

Well, I think I’m done.  I’m just venting and repeating myself now.  I’m just so worried and I know that I shouldn’t be worrying, but I need to.  It’s habit.  Being abused, I’ve been brought up all my life to think about what others want from me, not what I need to do for myself.  I’m trying so hard not to be influenced by others’ opinions. 

I need to be influenced by God’s will and God alone.  

*SIGH*

I guess, one day I’ll figure it out.  I just don’t want to be a failure, you know? Dear Father, Forgive me for my insecurities; I’m sure You can see why I’m having them, though.  Please show me what I am to do with my life.  May it glorify You in all things.  I love You so much my Father.  Please don’t ever let me lose sight of You.  Ever. 

amen. 

signing out.