Well, hello all.
I’m so silly. Do you know why? For some reason I’m scared of going places by myself. Silly, huh? I hate going shopping unless someone is going to go with me.
You know, I don’t think it’s necessarily that I’m scared, but I’m frustrated too. I feel like I make time to visit my family, or to spend time with members of my family, but…I don’t know…I feel like whenever I want them to do something, they don’t really care. (I’m just venting, I know I sound selfish. Sorry.)
The problem is I feel obligated to do something that someone suggests. Whenever my mom asks me, “Hey you want to help me with this?” I don’t really want to, but I feel like I should help out, so I do. Then, when I ask my mom something, she’ll say, “Maybe/not today/we’ll see/etc. etc.” (Don’t get me wrong, we do a lot together…and I know that she has a lot on her plate right now.)
I’m just being a bratty kid. Pay no attention to me please.
I have to go shopping now. Ug.
Father,
Forgive me for my bad behaviour and attitude. I’m lonely and I feel like no one cares. I feel like when I’m depressed or need something, I’ve been this way for so long that it’s taken for natural behaviour. I want to change and I’m tired of feeling like this. I feel so dead. Lord, help. Only You can. And I’m not mad at my mom, for the record. She has a right to do whatever she wants. Help me to understand that and to deal with it. I love her so much. She’s the only human that has gone through just about everything that I have and she is my constant friend and companion in so many ways. Let her know that I love her. And I want You to know that I love You.
amen.
signing out.